This weekend my grandpa asked me how much I weighed. He always says something about my weight. Does he not notice that he hurts my feelings everytime, even if he's just kidding around? He does it with my mother, who does it to me too. She told me she bought hamburger buns, which means bread, my weakness. And she said that not to get into them and eat them all in one day. What does she think I am a kind of pig?

I'm starting to eat healthy (like apples in the place of M&M's, and cereal instead of bread) and do exercises. Maybe my mom will be happy then. I know if I do just that, it wont really help me lose a lot of weight. I want to go outside for a walk, but I'm to scared too. I don't want to be taunted. I was once walking with a friend, and some guys drove by and one of them yelled out, "Hey aren't you a little to fat to be walking on the sidewalk?" I don't want that happening again. It's a kind of fear for me to go outside just for a simple walk alone. Why do I have to care? Why do I have to be so afraid of what other people think? How am I so effected? It's so hard... But I'm trying.

I want to believe those who say I am "hot". Is that so hard to achieve?

-neg

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